Glorifying God in His High Calling of Being a Loving Husband
Colossians 3:19
(Children's Sheet for Sermon Interaction is at bottom. Notes are throughout sermon)
Please turn to Colossians 3:19. Colossians 3:19 is our text under study. As you are turning there, I want to point out a fact that we may not readily think of in our day to day activities in the world. When we think of families, and we think of husbands, and wives, or we see people married, or when we consider marriage, the important fact that permeates the existence of these relationships is that God designed marriage. People did not (do not) design, nor define true marriage. God's design is that a man leaves his father and mother, cleaves to his wife, and the two become one flesh. This is true marriage. As Christians, we understand this because we have God's revelation of His design concerning creation. As Christians, we also live, promote, and defend, God's design as part of His plan and picture of the church's relationship to Christ. In God's design, we are the ones that must be forthright and clear:
· God says that true marriage is between a man and a woman.
· Marriage is His picture of Christ and His church.
· The husband is the head in marriage.
· Marriage is the place for the sexual relationship. The sex is only between the husband and the wife.
· Marriage is meant to be until the spouses part from each other in death.
This is clear from Scripture, so we must proclaim this as fact concerning what God knows. If we drop the ball on this, then we have failed miserably as God's bearers of truth in our generation. I want us to consider this in respect to recent statements of an internationally known church Pastor. They have to do with something called Proposition 8 in California. Proposition 8 was up in the California General Election ballot for people to vote to keep homosexuals from claiming a right to do something that they want to legally call "marriage" according to lost world-culture re-definitions. A majority of Californians voted against the equivocation of the sin of homosexuality being classed as a "marriage." Let me read from the News story from April 08, 09 , and you will see what I mean about what the pastor said. To get the context, this pastor was on a televised talk show called Larry King Live. The pastor is asked about his stance on Proposition 8. Here is his response as I quote the News article,
"You know, Larry, there was a story within a story that never got told," he said. "In the first place, I am not an anti-gay or anti-gay marriage activist. I never have been, never will be. During the whole Proposition 8 thing, I never once went to a meeting, never once issued a statement, never--never once even gave an endorsement in the two years Prop 8 was going. The week before the--the vote, somebody in my church said, Pastor Rick, what--what do you think about this? And I sent a note to my own members that said, I actually believe that marriage is--really should be defined, that that definition should be--say between a man and a woman. And then all of a sudden out of it, they made me, you know, something that I really wasn't," Warren continued. "And I actually--there were a number of things that were put out. I wrote to all my gay friends--the leaders that I knew--and actually apologized to them. That never got out. There were some things said that--you know, everybody should have 10 percent grace when they say public statements. And I was asked a question that made it sound like I equated gay marriage with pedophilia or incest, which I absolutely do not believe. And I actually announced that. All of the criticism came from people that didn't know me. Not a single criticism came from any gay leader who knows me and knows that for years, we've been working together on AIDS issues and all these other things."--WND Report
There are many nuances in the pastor's fuzzy reply that are disturbing to most Christian leaders I have spoken with. The details that particularly concerned me, were that this man does not equate the sin of homosexuality with pedophilia or incest as his belief. He especially wanted his homosexual friends to know this, as if his personal philosophy is somehow spiritually meaningful in any way (cf. Ephesians 4:17). The truth of the matter is that sexual sin is sexual sin in all of its packages whether we believe it or not. By the way, (as a point in logic to show how we should be biblical in our answers and beliefs rather than philosophical) pedophilia is homosexuality when a man has a sexual relationship with an under age boy, or when a woman has a sexual relationship with an under age girl. Regardless, every Christian (particularly pastors) should know that God equates homosexuality with pedophilia because both are sins in need of repentance. Also, an easy to answer question comes up and looms before all of us,
Is not incest between males (even if they want to have a so-called "gay marriage") still considered homosexuality?
And again,
Is it not still equated with sin, in need of repentance, according to God?
This is why I say that it is vital that we Christians proclaim what God knows. We must do more than state what we "believe" while following it with philosophical comparisons of sins. We must assert boldly that marriage is defined by God in the Bible, as a man joining to his wife and the two become one flesh. God is the authority, and this is God's definition of marriage whether you believe it or not. The implications of this are important on many fronts; especially in respect to the fact that God designed sexual relationships to exist in a certain way with marriage being the definitive institution. Knowing this, then, we proclaim without apology, for example, that when a man joins with a woman and the two become one, God says the wife is the man's helpmate, and the man is the wife's leader--both physically, and spiritually. Now think about this: We know that believing this really does matter in a certain kind of sense, right? But, what we believe does not matter as much as what God knows. In other words:
My beliefs do not establish what God knows. What God knows should be what establishes my beliefs.
This is the presuppositionalism of biblical Christianity. If you are asked by someone about God's ordained role for husbands, what should you do? You should point them to God's revealed word on the matter. We also go to God's word for the prescribed manner that Christian husbands keep their relationship godly. It goes beyond marital faithfulness sexually, though that is important. It has to do with how each views the other, and how each treats the other.
Our Colossians text covers some of these things. The context of our passage is that Paul is going through a series of household relationships. Paul starts with wives in respect to their husbands. Paul immediately moves to husbands next. Then Paul goes on to children. Then, on how fathers should treat them. Then to slaves, and finally masters (slave owners). This morning, we are going to look at how God wants us husbands to treat our wives. I'm using Colossians 3:19, with Ephesians 5:25-33, and 2 Peter 3:7. I'll read all three of those passages starting with Colossians. Paul says,
"Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them." Colossians 3:19
The Ephesians parallel is lengthy,
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might set her apart, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be set apart and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband." Ephesians 5:25-33
Now 1 Peter,
"7 You husbands in the same way [In the way of Christ, v. 21, as a self sacrificing Shepherd and guardian, vv. 24-25], live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered." 1 Peter 3:7
Prepare your heart to learn along with me in our sermon study, titled,
Glorifying God in His High Calling of Being a Loving Husband
[prayer]
This morning, as we examine teachings that are specifically directed toward husbands, I am wanting us to glean some principles for glorifying God in His high calling of being a loving husband.
/1/
The first principle is the foundation.
It is love.
Love is the big starting point in this relational command to us husbands. It is the golden virtue that is an outworking of the indwelling Spirit,
"Husbands, love your wives ..." Colossians 3:19
Ephesians is more robust,
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, ... 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; ... each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, ..." Ephesians 5:25-33
@1 God wants husbands to love their wives as _________________ loved the church. Ephesians 5-25-33.
Love is your pinnacle expression of your Christianity. Love is the backbone of our relationship to God and to others including your wife. It all originates from inside your saved nature from the love of God,
"5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." Romans 5:5
The very love of God has been poured into your heart through the indwelling Person of the Holy Spirit. Husbands, this is what God is talking about manifesting consistently in marriage. The Spirit speaks to us about this from-God-into-us-and-out-to-others foundation in John,
"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; ..." 1 John 4:7
This is what I am wanting us to see: Spiritually, this is the same command for us Husbands concerning our wives. It is like saying,
Husbands, let us love our wives, for love is from God.
I want us to think about an illustration for a moment. Some people wrongly say,
"My Christianity is my own."
Have you ever heard that before? Maybe you have said it yourself. When someone makes this kind of statement, what they usually mean is that they have their own life. They have their own beliefs. They are saved. They are on their way to heaven, so they just want to be left alone. That's what they mean--
"I'm fine, leave me alone because my Christianity is my own."
Certainly you are saved, and nobody can be saved for you. But, I really want us to think about this: Your Christianity is not your own. Further, you are not alone. Your Christianity belongs to God. Also, you, in your Christianity, are joined with the rest of the members of the body to be experienced by all of us forever in one eternal fellowship. The reason why I am pointing this out is because it is the same way with your marriage. It is not a completely correct statement to say,
"My marriage is my own."
No--your marriage belongs to God. Further, your marriage is shared with your spouse to make one flesh for being experienced in togetherness in the bond of Christ's love. Just like salvation is from God, marriage is from God, and the very marriage-love that we have as Christians, is from God. John goes on to finish the sentence,
"and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God." 1 John 4
We Christian husbands see this. We realize that love is the proof that demonstrates the reality of the fact that we are in covenant with God in Christ. In salvation, there are no exceptions. Husbands listen to me: In your marriage, you are in covenant with both your spouse and with God. So, when love manifestation is lacking, then the substantial proof of your marriage is lacking. In other words, just saying that you are married is not proof of your marriage. Anyone can say they are married. Anyone can say that they are saved too--but it doesn't make the claim true. Even homosexuals can attempt to hijack our language and say that they are married. Sexual gratification is not proof of your marriage either. Sexual gratification can come in many packages. A piece of paper is not proof of your marriage. Certainly, a real marriage is a real covenant, and certainly, you are in covenant in salvation; but the analogy I am making is that just like they will know we are Christians by our love, by our love, your wife will know you are married in covenant, in heart, and in soul, by your love which is love that flows from the Holy Spirit that permeates you in your Christian marriage. John goes on,
"The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love." 1 John 4
This is the inner work of God that I am talking about. It should be coming out of all of us. But I am thinking about me, Kerry. It is me Kerry as a Christian husband. I may get angry with my wife. I may not manifest all the various ways that love can possibly be expressed, but since I am truly a Christian, then I love because it is impossible for me to be void of it, for God is love, and God is in me, you, and He is in every Christian husband, as the Holy Spirit. But listen to me; I also know that it is possible for me, Kerry, to not act like the love I have that God has shed abroad in my heart. You know this is true of yourself too, don't you? Paul knows this is true of you. It is why Paul commands, "Husbands, love your wives." Think about it--If we husbands instinctively manifest love all the time, then the Spirit would not see a need to command you to do so in His word, would He? The very fact that we Christian husbands must be commanded in two places in Scripture, to love our wives, means that it is possible for us not to manifest love in some sort of nebulous innate spiritual instinct. Now husbands, I want us to think about this;
Who else realizes all of this in a huge way?
Your wife.
It is vital that we husbands understand that Paul is talking about the intense, pressing, need to manifest what is inside. If you don't manifest it in what you do, then you are not manifesting it at all, and if you don't manifest it in what you do, then it becomes doubtful that it is inside you in the first place. Don't say,
"Yeah but I love my wife. The real problem is that she just doesn't understand me."
No.
What is really going on is that she doesn't understand that you love her because you are not demonstrating it to her, though you keep asserting that you do. She doesn't understand you, because you are not translating your words to her in real, authentic, ongoing, persistent love manifestations. Translation occurs in dying to yourself and living for her edification in pure humble, grace oriented, persistent, love as the fruit of the spirit. The fruit of the Spirit is the language of love that everyone understands. John goes on,
"9 By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. 10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." 1 John 4
This is the great inner reality of what God has done in us in His Spirit that means that not only are we commanded to love our wives in manifestations, but we can, should, and will, do so for a very important reason. What is that reason? We will do so in our very own love for God Himself. John is saying what Paul said in Romans 5:5. The love of God was manifested in us through Christ who is our life. The salvation that we have is spiritual, where the love of God is manifested in us. John goes on with what we do from the doer who does His work in us. It is the big point once again. It is the driving force in every Christian relationship. It is the driving force in all God glorifying marriages. Husbands, think about yourself in respect to your wife, as I read verse 11,
11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 1 John 4:7-11
@2 As Christians, we are to ________________ one another, because God loved us. John 4:11
In other words,
Husband, if God so loved you, you also ought to love your wife in the same way.
You can read a million marriage books. You can go to an army of counselors. You can listen to a million gigabytes of sermons. The bottom line is your relationship with God:
Husband, if God so loved you, you also ought to love your wife in the same way.
Husbands all over the world will grope around and act ignorant of this basic marital principle. They will seek to do everything in their power to blame their wives for marriage problems. They will analyze, justify, defend themselves, try gimmicks, and even attempt to mold their wives into something the wife will never be; they will do all kinds of futile religious activities, but the whole time, what they really need to be dwelling on is the simplicity of the one huge Biblical fact that looms there like an elephant in the middle of the living room:
I need to manifest Christlike love for my wife, not just in theory, but in my actions; in my speech; in my demands; in my attitude, in my demeanor; in my listening to her when she talks; in my helping her in her weakness.
It is love in the heart coming out from the heart in real, tangible, unarguable, non-compromising ways. Self justification will fail you. You may not think that it will because after all you are seeking self justification as your triumph. But self justification will fail you. Being able to come up with clever ways to win arguments with your wife may seem like success, but it will fail you. You might not think it fails, but it does. When it comes to what matters, one thing never fails. It is love being manifested. Big deal if I speak with the tongue of angels. So what if I can pontificate like God's prophet to my wife. Who cares how logically I can justify myself? If I don't have love then I am a loud metal drum that is out of tune with reality. We husbands all think we are really smart. Maybe we are. You might have the highest IQ in the world. You might be Mr. Faith too. You may even have all faith as to remove mountains. If so, then there is some Christian virtue coming out you; but, Paul says, in 1 Corinthians 13:2 , if "I do not have love, I am nothing." Even if I work my fingers to the bone to give all my possessions to feed my wife out of a sense of social duty, and even if I surrender my body to be burned because it seems like the nobel thing to do, but do not have genuine love manifested and manifesting, it profits me nothing, 1 Corinthians 13:3. What matters in my Christianity--what matters in my marriage--is that in respect to my wife,
"... love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never [ever, ever] fails." 1 Corinthians 13
This right here is your marriage book. It is your marriage seminar. It speaks infinitely more than all the advice that marriage counselors can come up with. Love is what the Father is. Love is what the Son is. Love is what the Spirit is. Love is the great Law of the New Covenant, where we are commanded to love in all ways to express Christ out of us in all ways. Love is what God wants you to be for your wife.
I think it is important for us, in our culture, to realize that in the household codes that were prevalent in the Roman world, women were required to submit to husbands, but men were not required to love their wives. Wives were considered chattel property. God corrects all of that when it comes to His children in Christ. God defines marriage relationships from His own perspective.
At this point, I want to take issue with a contemporary trend in teaching that has come about in the last few years. It has to do with a wording pattern in some passages that deal with husbands and wives that appears as if the Spirit is urging husbands to love wives, but wives should merely respect their husbands as something different than love. There are books, and sermons, that are built around a kind of idea that husbands have the responsibility to love, but wives have the responsibility to respect, as if Holy Spirit led respect is something that is somehow detached from being an outflow of love. Scripturally, wives have a responsibility to respect and submit to their husbands in godliness. What I am talking about is a teaching focus that is based upon the way Ephesians, and 1 Peter seem to be worded. But, love is the foundation for all marriage relationships with both the husband and the wife. This is why we find in the other often overlooked marriage passage, Paul says,
"3 Older women likewise are to ... 4 ... encourage the young women to love their husbands," Titus 2:3-4
Titus 2:3-4 has the foundation for that "respect" that Christian women should have. This "respect" does not come from fear. This respect does not come from a sense of duty. This respect comes from Christian love. So when we read in Ephesians 5 that the husband,
"... is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband."
and we read in 1 Peter 3, that a husband is won by his wife's
"... respectful behavior." 1 Peter 3:2
we must realize that the love of Christ being manifested, is what is being spoken of in these passages. The picture-fulfillment reason, Paul says, is because the husband and wife is a type of the church's relationship to the Lord. The husband represents Christ loving the church. The wife represents the church loving Christ. What is amazing about the fullness of the way God does this is that God causes us to love others and Himself, and so with this, we manifest love. I am wanting to get more specific with manifestation. We are to love the way Christ loves.
/2/
This is along the lines of the second principle we will glean for glorifying God in His high calling of being a loving husband. Remember, I am only covering two principles this morning. This one has to do with manifesting the love of Christ in the manner that Christ, our model, manifests love. Let's break down our directives from the Holy Spirit from each text, as we explore this principle. Notice that Paul says,
"... do not be embittered against [your wife]." Colossians 3:19
To connect with the right heart, which is the heart of Christ on this, let's think about how Jesus both thinks about you, and treats you. Our Lord never, ever, thinks of His New Covenant people with bitterness. He never treats His church with bitterness. Paul is talking about not acting out bitterness with a heart that begins filling up with bitterness. Bitterness, in this sense, is to operate out of an attitude of unforgiving malice. It tastes sour to our wives, because that is exactly what it is. It is hurt that pushes the love of your heart out of the way. You know that whenever a bitter root is there, then you have not put it to death by the Spirit of Christ. When the root is alive, then you tear down. When you are bitter, your marriage is bitter. You are tearing yourself down. You are tearing your wife down, and you are tearing your marriage down. You are eclipsing the glory of Christ. Let me ask you something:
If we husbands are treating our wives with bitterness, then where is the fruit of the Spirit?
It may have been there before, but bitterness spoils the sweet fruit of the spirit like a plague. Now it is gone. And if you don't submit to the Spirit, then your bitterness destroys both you, and anyone to whom it is directed. The sad tragedy of marital bitterness is that it destroys God's picture of Christ and the church by destroying the marriage that is designed to picture Christ and the church. God is saying that we are not to be embittered against our wives. If we are bitter then we are not operating in love. It is that simple. And if we are not operating in love, then we are actively destroying our wives, and our own marriages. We are operating in something else, which is a carnal reaction of the flesh that must be repented of immediately. Let's think about the parallel. When Paul says,
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,"
we recognize that Christ came to the lost sheep of the house of Israel, and in the mystery of His predetermined mission, He adopted Gentiles who were lost and without God in the world. Old Covenant Israel, according to the flesh, had become sinfully unfaithful. But Christ's people are His people according to loving choice. Jesus could have been embittered against His Old covenant people. But, in their sinful transgression against Him, He brought grace to the elect, in total absence of bitterness. He loved His elect no matter what it cost. He did the same thing for Gentiles. The church is made up of the objects of Christ's grace. We did not earn this kind of favor from God. In fact, everything about us was wholly unlovely. We were all full of spots and blemishes. But the church is His bride. Christ's demonstration of His love was to give Himself up which means giving up any bitterness toward her that is outside His grace covenant. But the grace goes on in Christ's continuous, ongoing, love. We all know that the church is a real mess, don't we? You still sin, don't you? You still do selfish things, don't you? Everyone of us fails our Lord in far too many ways to count. I'm speaking to husbands when I say this:
When you know this about the church, and you recognize this about yourself, aren't you glad that God's love for you is not based upon contingencies?
The implications of this are that when you enter into covenant with your wife, and God, in your marriage, you are entering into a grace covenant that ministers to the mess that marriages can sometimes be. The ministry in your marriage (marriage as your mission) is by the same grace that made the covenant. I hope I am bringing some connections to us this morning that drive our actions. For your marriage to be a picture of Christ and the church, means "love," but this is only realized in real, authentic, grace with your wife who is a picture of you who are a picture of the head Who is the Self sacrificing Lord and Savior. Husbands, when it comes to marriage, you and I have a very big responsibility. Your wife is a reflection of you who are part of Christ's church in much the same way that you are a reflection of Christ as part of Christ's church. You say,
"Yeah, but she is supposed to submit. She is supposed to respect me. She is supposed to obey."
And God says,
"Yeah but, you are supposed to love her in her weakness. You are supposed to be grace to her like Christ is grace to you."
There is no other earthly husband that God has called to be your wife's husband for doing this. You are the one. For Christ to give Himself for you by humbling Himself from His glorious exaltation, down to being a servant to be maligned, rejected, and hung on a cross naked to die for you (a sinner) in complete death to bitterness in respect to you, is what the Spirit is talking about. Then Christ holds you, sustains you, comforts you, directs you, and forgives you over and over again in one continuous action for eternity. Husbands, what the Spirit is telling us at every front, is that
Christ is not just your model for marriage. He is THE model for marriage!
This is why the lost world doesn't understand marriage, and why it seeks to redefine it. The Spirit is also indicating that since Christ is the model for marriage, this requires a heart check that seeks to live according to God's word each day, each and every moment. Again, Paul would not have pinpointed bitterness, if bitterness, as an attribute does not eclipse Christ. It is just like God commanding you to love, even though the love of God is already shed abroad in your heart. The point is that in being joined to Christ, you are in the grace place. You are one spirit with Him,
"For He says, 'The two shall become one flesh.' ... the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him." 1 Corinthians 6:16-17
@3 The one who joins to the Lord is _____________ _______________ with Him. 1 Corinthians 6:16-17
Our wives are in marriage with us. We are one flesh with them, so they need to be experiencing the fact that they are also in the grace place too. They need to know it, and they need to sense it. Men, I am going to give you a huge revelation about wives that may come as a shock:
If your wife doesn't sense the grace and love from you that I am talking about, then they will not know that you have it for them. They will think that they are simply another duty on your list. They will think that they are just another responsibility that you have acquired.
When we husbands assure our wives that, in our marriage, they are in the grace place on two fronts: as the one flesh, and with us as the spiritual leader, then the words that we say, where we claim to have the love of Christ, become real. When your words become real, and take on meaning, then you are truly fulfilling your spiritual ministry. It is where you go beyond telling your wife that you love her, to living like you love her. It is like proclaiming the gospel, or teaching a Bible study; but you actually show your wife the love she needs as a living sermon illustration of Colossians 3, Ephesians 5, and 1 Peter 3. Paul goes on,
"26 so that He might set her apart, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be set apart and blameless." Ephesians 5:26-27
Remember, Christ is the model for every Christian everywhere. He is the model for all ministers. He is the husband model. He is love incarnate. He is sweetness manifested. So Paul says we are to love our wives, just as Christ loved the church, and this means that we must do so with the word of God at the forefront. In love, Christ set us apart in Himself (the living Word) in His sacrifice and resurrection. In love, Christ cleansed all of us by the washing of His spoken and recorded word. This is what discipleship is all about. Living by the word, and teaching doctrines from the word, is not a chore, or merely a duty. Paul is saying that in God's design, it is part of our love relationship with Him. Notice that we did not know about this design until we learned about it from His word. In other words, to even know that we are ministers in our marriages, where marriage is our mission field, and that we cleanse our wives by living and teaching the word as the foundation of our family, is something we had to learn. It is washing. The word of God is God's love gift in His relationship with His church that He has given to communicate to her His love words. Through the word, we learn the doctrines and precepts of the faith that give us spiritual growth. Christ our Lord and Savior nurtures His bride through His love words that He speaks to her in discipleship. He willingly, and lovingly, gives her everything she needs for life and godliness. Christ is the model. His love is the pattern. His desire should be the desire of every husband.
What is Christ's desire through the word?
Cleansing through building up.
He does this initially with the gospel of salvation, where He miraculously enables His elect to positively respond to become His bride. In this way, Christ cleanses her spiritually into vibrant whiteness. Then, through the word, He wants her cleansed in daily actions to conform to what she is by the indwelling empowering Spirit. In chapter 1, Paul explains that, in Christ, His bride has already been set apart in initial salvation to be presented to Himself in miraculous spotless forgiveness. As I read, notice the same language about being set apart and blameless,
"3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, 4 just as He elected us [the bride] in Him [Christ the groom] before the foundation of the world, to be set apart and blameless before Him In love" Ephesians 1:3-4
In our Colossian's epistle, we find
"21 And although you were formerly alienated and hostile in mind, engaged in evil deeds, 22 yet He has now reconciled you in His fleshly body through death, in order to present you before Him set apart and blameless and beyond reproach--" Colossians 1:21-22
@4 In salvation, we have been set apart and made ___________________ before God in His love. Ephesians 1:3-4
What we see is that there are three instances of this setting apart, blameless, language in Colossians and Ephesians. God elected Christ's bride, in Christ, before the the world existed. God did this with the intention that His elect were guaranteed to be set apart and blameless before Him. It was all done in Christ, and it was all done in love. Now, here is what I want to draw out of this action from God for us husbands to really embrace for our own action. When it comes to loving our wives, we husbands are to have the same goals in mind. You are the picture of Christ. Our wives are the picture of the bride of Christ--the church. Husbands, are the spiritual leaders of the home. What this means is that you are the one who represents Christ in washing your earthly bride in God's word. We cleanse our wives when we show the word to her in love, when we hold her to it in love, and in when we demonstrate the word from our own lives in love, Paul goes on in Ephesians 5 with the same point,
28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body." Ephesians 5:28-30
5@ Christ loves us who are saved, as members of His ____________________. Ephesians 5:28-30
Notice that we husbands like to nourish and cherish ourselves. This is what you like to do. Now, let's ask ourselves: Why do we do this? We do this because we love ourselves. This is why you eat. You love food, but you love yourself in loving your food. You are nourishing yourself, which demonstrates that you are being attentive to your needs and wants out of love for satisfying yourself in your needs and your wants. If we husbands hated ourselves, then we would not do this. You also cherish yourself. You do this by sleeping. You do this by wearing clothes. You do this by avoiding pain. You care about what you care about. The analogy is that there is an aspect of our self nourishing, cherishing, love that reflects, to some degree, the perfect love that Christ has for the church, and so we take that reflection, where we love ourselves and we express it to our wives. The only way to understand how huge this love is, is to understand that
Christ loves Himself.
This is an extremely profound revelation. Christ loves Himself perfectly. He loves Himself infinitely. He loves His glory. We must rejoice in this in every way, because if Christ did not love Himself, then He would not love us, and you would not be saved in cleansing. We are saved for His glory. With these thoughts in mind, we recognize that Christ nourishes and cherishes the church, because we are members of His body, Ephesians 5:29-30. It is with this point that Paul finishes up with bringing it back to us husbands individually. Each "Christian" husband is to love his own wife even as He, by the Spirit, loves himself in a nourishing, cherishing, concern that is absent of bitterness. The final passage we will look at in manifesting the love of Christ in the manner that Christ, our model, manifests love is 1 Peter 3,
"7 You husbands in the same way [In the way of Christ, v. 21, as a self sacrificing Shepherd and guardian, vv. 24-25], live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered." 1 Peter 3:7
Peter is talking about the love of Christ being manifested out of husbands by being Shepherds and guardians, rather than despotic leaders, and hurtful masters. It is Christ as our model all over again, as a manifestation of the same kind of Christ-like attribute of self sacrificial love. Christ is loving as Lord, Christ is serving as Savior. But there is more to this. Christ understands you. He knows you are not perfect. He knows you need Him in your relationship with Him. He knows you are a weaker vessel compared to him. Christ loves you and relates to you in an understanding way. In the same manner, our wives are a picture of the church, so we need to live with her in an understanding way like she is weaker, since she is a woman. If she is a Christian, we honor her as a sister in Christ who has inherited the grace of life, and we need to show it.
The summation is that as worship leaders in our families, we are to act in a pastoral manner that reflects our Lord. I urge you to remember the first principle; You have the love of God in your heart. Now, God urges you to do that love. Love your wife as Christ loves the church. Remember the second principle which builds upon the first one; Our goal is to be manifesting the love of Christ in the manner that Christ, our model, manifests love. He is the source. He is the pattern. We husbands are His representatives in our marriage. Amen
@1 God wants husbands to love their wives as _________________ loved the church. Ephesians 5-25-33.
@2 As Christians, we are to ________________ one another, because God loved us. John 4:11
@3 The one who joins to the Lord is _____________ _______________ with Him. 1 Corinthians 6:16-17
@4 In salvation, we have been set apart and made ___________________ before God in His love. Ephesians 1:3-4
5@ Christ loves us who are saved, as members of His ________________. Ephesians 5:28-30
