Unfortunately this sin is as common as one may think.
The Dangerous Contempt for Wives that Reflects a Subtle Kind of Contempt for the Lord
Ephesians 5:25-33
Pastor Kerry Kinchen, Bridgeway Bible Church
Please turn to Ephesians 5:25-33. Ephesians 5:25-33. As you are going there, I want to share with you some things that I think most of us here are probably aware of. They are things that are going on in the world culture that are influences that are at work to shift the minds of us Christians in respect to marriage. What I mean is that the mind of the world is already shifted. God calls it the darkened understanding of the futility of the Gentile mind back in 4:17-18. God calls it ignorance that is in them. What has happened is that the world has taken an institution that God invented, (marriage) and has attempted to claim it for its own, and in so doing, has redefined marriage to be something different than what it really is.
First and foremost, I think we all see cleary, where this corrupting attempt is in the simple fact that the world redefines marriage as not a creation of God, but rather, as a creation, and an institution of humans. At the fundamental level, the lost world culture thinks that marriage was invented by people for people, and so based upon the needs that people think that marriage fulfills to help keep an orderly society, it is said that the concept, and practice, of marriage was humanly fabricated.
A second area in which the lost world culture has tried to redefine marriage, is in respect to homosexuals, and the sexual perversion of homosexuality. According to the historic facts, God defined marriage in the beginning when he determined that it was not good for the man to be alone. God made a helpmate suitable for him. God made a woman from the man's rib, and then brought the woman to the man, where we read in Genesis 2:24, that it is
"24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 25 ... the man and his wife ..." Genesis 2:24
This descrption of the first marriage definitively set forth both the mandate, and the pattern that we see throughout the rest of history among God's people. What I am talking about is the fact that God invented marriage, and God defined marriage in the beginning as being between a man and a woman. Any other sexual relationship, or committed friendship between like sexes, or personal relationship, is defined as something else, but it is not a marriage. God also defined homosexuality to be an abomination. So, in an attempt to legitimize their abomination, homosexuals have attempted to steal marriage from its rightful place between a man and a woman. They have attempted to try to claim that their abominable practice is really marriage. Some people even wrongly claim that it is God's will.
Another area in which the lost world culture has tried to redefine marriage, is in respect to commitment. When asked questions concerning divorce, Jesus answered with the same Genesis account of the definitive marriage created by God. The Jews were trying to trick Jesus, but Jesus knew more about marriage than they ever dreamed of. Jesus is in fact, the inventor of marriage. So we read,
"3 Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?" 4 And He answered and said, 'Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.' 7 They said to Him, 'Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?' 8 He said to them, 'Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.'" Matthew 19:3-8
Jesus knew what the Pharisees didn't know. He knew what the lost culture of the world fails to recognize. Jesus knew that it was not this way from the beginning. What Jesus knew is what He knows right now. God invented marriage from the beginning, and from the beginning of the invention it was not always this way. In fact, Jesus explains that God is the one who makes marriage by joining people together. Therefor, what God has joined together, no mere human should seperate in divorce.
Another area in which the lost world culture has tried to redefine marriage, is in respect to its necessity. According to the lost world culture, marriage is thought to be unnecessary. The general sense is that if you want to live with someone in a sexual relationship, then doing so is just fine. You are not in sin. You don't need to be committed, because marriage is not needed. Premarital, and extramarital sex is now considered as normal as being in the same room alone with someone you are not married to. Likewise, divorce is being treated in just as cavalier a manner as the institution of marriage. Marriage is so dishonored now, that the dishonorable practice of divorce has become the outcome of over half of marriages in our nation--whether one is saved or unsaved. What this means is that out of every ten couples getting married today, you can expect that about 6 of them will get divorced. Marriage is being redefined as not being sacred, and honorable, nor is it considered necessary.
A final area in which the lost world culture has tried to redeifine marriage, is in respect to egalitarianism. Now, I'm not trying to confuse you with big words. But, if you don't know what egalitarianism is, then you are going to learn a new word this morning. Egalitarianism is a fancy word that simply means to believe and act like there is no authority structure in marriage. It is the humanistic philosophy that asserts that the roles of the husband and the wife are exactly the same. This morning, I have listed these things, because I want us to be consciously aware of the fact that beliefs of the lost culture, have tainted the beliefs of many of God's children in our day. There are Christians who hold to some of the views I have just mentioned. But, contrary to what the culture of the lost is trying to convince us Christians of, there is a design, function, and purpose to marriage, because God, (and God alone) has given marriage its design, function, and purpose, and that is what we Christians better be convinced of. As we continue to study this great subject, we are going to discover more about these vital facts. Please read our text with me now, starting in verse 25,
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might set her apart, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be set apart and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband." Ephesians 5:25-33
Please prepare your heart to go verse to verse with me in the sacred preaching of God's word this morning. Prepare yourself to receive, and be edified from this sermon titled,
The Dangerous Contempt for Wives that Reflects a Subtle Kind of Contempt for the Lord
[prayer]
After telling wives that they must submit to their husbands as if they are submitting to Jesus Christ Himself, Paul does not mince words as he gets to us husbands. Lock the doors, because God's got some things to say to us husbands this morning. Quickly, Paul tells us that the man in the marriage represents the role of Christ in connection to His church. In the preceding verses, Paul already said that the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. Then Pauls says here,
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,"
When Paul talks about Christ loving the church, Paul is talking about all of the church as consisting of all the called out ones, called Christians. Paul is talking about all the elect that God has gathered to Himself in salvation from all over the world throughout all time. Christ loves the church right now. He does so in grace for her, which is grace for each of us individually. But Christ, (as Paul says here), loved the church in the past in a certain way. Christ loved the church, and that particular way that He loved the church is the way that we husbands are commanded to love our wives. The important questions then for us husbands, are;
How did Christ love the church?
and
What pattern is Paul talking about?
Paul is talking about the self diminishing love of Christ giving up Himself for His bride. Men, are asking all the time;
How am I supposed to love my wife?
Husband, maybe you have asked that quesiton; maybe you are asking that question now. The answer is that as the representative of Christ in your marriage, you must love your wife like Christ
a) loved you,
and
b) loves you now.
You know men, our wives got that really very quickly before I made a linear list. They felt it, and so they got it. But, I know how us husbands think. You've got to spell it out. You've got to compartmentalize it. You've got to make it into a formal directive like a schematic. So, you make a list, and the man doesn't feel what you are saying in the list. He sees it. He analizes it. And so, he says,
This makes sense.
It is a list, and lists make sense. So, we ask the question. How does God want me to love my wife?; and then comes the list: you must love your wife like Christ
a) loved you,
and
b) loves you now.
and all the husbands are going
Ohhh, I get it now.
You are to love your wife in grace. You are to love your wife in giving up yourself, and all your selfish inclinations, for her, and you are to do it, in continuous grace each day, and in each moment, which is the way that Christ loves you. This is the love that God designed. It is God's idea of love that he expects us husbands to agree with, understand, and do. Notice that this kind of love is a doing love. It is not a love where you just say you love your wife. You know, merely telling your wife you love her, even if it's every five minutes, doesn't hack it if you aren't backing it with the authentic doing side of love. You see, Christ's love was demonstrated in what He did, and in what He is doing now for His precious bride. This is the love that God designed for husbands to have for their wives. Paul knows this through supernatural revelation, and so he gives us some insight into this great love. I think we all need to recognize that it is a great love that certainly has benefitted Christ in the long term. What I mean is that this doing love, is love that brought, and brings personal reward to our Savior. It brings Him glory. But, what we must understand is that it is great love that took great personal sacrifice to achieve, and the way Christ loved His bride, was in such a way that while He was emptying Himself, and taking the form of a bondservant, He was also benefitting her with rewards, and glory too. In other words, he had her in mind in a special and focused way. He had her well being in mind. He had her salvation in mind, which is eternal security. He had her on His heart, with all her failures, and with all of her short comings, and with all of her inability to be perfect at the forefront of His care for her. This is the big point. In the Christlike self sacrificing kind of love, our benefit gets diminished for the benefit and the good of others. So, when we husbands start to assert our role as the head in our household, what needs to happen at the fundamental level, is that we must understand that what this really means is that we are seeking to benefit our wife with her well being in mind.
How many of you argue with your wife? You know, if wives were acting according to the previous verse, and what we studied in 1 Peter last time, by winnng their husbands over with a gentle and quiet spirit, and not holding their husbands in contempt that reflects a subtle kind of contempt for the Lord, then there would be virtually no arguments among husbands and wives; at least there would be fewer arguments. I am not talking about rational discussions. Those things should continue, but I am talking about arguments. Nevertheless, arguments exist between husbands and wives. So, the question is,
When you argue with your wife about something, do you want to make her feel bad with your words?;
or do you want to reason with her while seeking how to make her feel good, secure, and appreciated while you explain your point to her? You see, men, the real question is,
do you have her well being in mind?
According to the way God defines marriage, all the benefits that we husbands selfishly want out of the marriage are selfish benefits that get diminished in the Christ like love for our wives that reflects the love that Christ has for us. What I have been sharing is so, so very important. Why? Why is it so important? This is so important because it is knowledge that equips us for avoiding the the dangerous contempt for our wives that reflects a subtle kind of contempt for our Lord. Okay, so that we husbands will understand what I am getting at, we need to look at what Paul says,
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 to set her apart, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be set apart and blameless." Ephesians 5:25
Okay, what I want us to really focus upon is what our Lord has done for us. When we see the big "just as" here, we need to see what was done, and what all was accomplished in what was done. The reason is because, what the Lord has done for us is closely tied to what God expects us husbands to do for our wives. As Christians, we already know the important things. We know that in giving Himself for us, Christ saved us. Christ set the church apart through both His sacrifice and His resurrection. We also know that through sharing the word with her, he cleansed her from the defilements of the world through the word of God. Paul tells us this here. We also know it from experience. The sacrifice was necessary for the love gift of salvation that brought seperation from lostness. The word of God is necesarry for the love gift of teaching His bride what is necessary for the full knowledge of God, such as the doctrines of eternal security, the doctrines of personal seperation from sin, and the doctrines of spiritual growth, and service. What this means, is that in love, Christ, Who is the Word, both purchased His bride, and nurtures His bride through His word. In 5:6, we see that Paul tells Christ's bride not to be decieved by empty words. In 5:10, Paul urges us, the bride to be cleansed by the word, when he says we all should be trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord. In chapter 4, Paul speaks of all the gifts that the Lord has given His bride to equip her, and sanctify her according to the word. In 5:17, Paul says to understand what the will of the Lord is. All of this is because Christ has cleansed us, His bride, with the washing of the water with the word, which is the gospel, which is the truth. All of this is Christ's comprehensive love, so that He can present those whom He purchased on the cross to Himself with no spot or wrinkle. Now I want to take you back to chapter 1 very quickly, because this is where Paul explains earlier in the same letter, that this setting apart action for the bride has already occurred in the past. As I read, I want you to notice the same language about being set apart and blameless,
"3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, 4 just as He elected us [the bride] in Him [Christ the groom] before the foundation of the world, to be set apart and blameless before Him In love" Ephesians 1:3-4
In the parallel passage in Colossians, we read it this way,
"21 And although you were formerly alienated and hostile in mind, engaged in evil deeds, 22 yet He has now reconciled you in His fleshly body through death, in order to present you before Him set apart and blameless and beyond reproach--" Colossians 1:21-22
In all three instances, what this means is that God elected Christ's bride, in Christ, before the foundation of the world existed. And God did so with the intention that we would absolutely, without a doubt, with no possibility of another outcome, be set apart and blameless before Him, and it was all done in love, and this is the same kind of love that God wants husbands to have for their wives. Men, we, as husbands, are the spiritual leaders of our homes. We represent Christ. So, the question, then is:
Are you washing your bride in the word, by teaching it to her, holding her to it, and demonstrating it from your own life?
If not, then now is the day that you need to make every effort to begin doing so. To not consciously be making an effort to do so, is to be moving in the direction of the dangerous contempt for wives that reflects a subtle kind of contempt for your Lord. Paul goes on in our passage in chapter 5, saying,
"28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body."
Right here Paul is preaching one of his favorite doctrines, because it is one of God's big doctrinal focuses. It is the great doctrine of the mystery of the body of Christ, and Paul uses it here in a special way to instruct us men in how to treat our wives. But there are a couple of interesting points that Paul brings out that he uses to urge us men to the proper love that we must nurture with our wives. The first has to do with the fact that we men are in the business of nourishing and cherishing our own selves. The fact of the matter is that men really do nourish themselves, and cherish themselves. At this point, I understand that we men may be tempted to protest to some degree, and so we may argue that we are not narcissists, which are people who are in love with themselves. We men, may be tempted to think that we don't put much thought into our own nurture and care. We might think that we do just enough to get by, and of course, it is enough. But, think about the fact that you feed yourself when you are hungry, and you feed yourself to satisfy yourself. When you do this, you are nourishing your flesh. You are being attentive to your needs. You are being attentive to your wants. You are nurturing yourself. You do not do this because you hate yourself. You love yourself, and in fact, you love yourself all the time in so many ways. Don't you put yourself to bed when you are sleepy? You clothe youself. You buy things for yourself. You avoid certain weather conditions because you don't like them. You try to learn things so you will be educated. In fact, as an obedient Christian, you try to learn what is pleasing to the Lord. You do this by learning the word of God. Now think about this. You don't do these things because you hate yourself. You do these things because you have a certain type of love for yourself. It is the evidence that you cherish yourself. But, think about the other thing that Paul says. The other thing is that this nourishing, and cherishing is the same way that Christ loves the church, which is His body. This means that there is something about this that is very important to understand. Okay, this is heavy, but we need to grasp it. This means that
Christ loves Himself.
Think about that for a moment. Think about how much God is consumed with His own glory. Christ the God-man loves Himself, and He loves Himself perfectly and infinitely. Even in His offering up Himself in both being the High Priest, and in being the Sacrifice, Christ loved Himself. He loved Himself, and He loved us-- the body that He (as God) elected in Himself, since before the foundation of the world, that we would be His set apart body, blameless before Him, and in Him, as the Scripture says--in love. And now Christ continues that same love in interceding for us as our High Priest in the heavenlies forever, where we are seated there too, in Him positionally, as members of His body. We are members of Him, so He loves us. When we look back to the first Adam, we see that Eve was called bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh. She was made from Adam's rib, and so in a very real sense, Eve was flesh of Adam's flesh in the original marriage that God designed. This kind of relationship continued from generation to generation, but in a slightly different way, and that is what Paul gets at next in explaining more of this beautiful relationship. Paul quotes from the Genesis account of where Adam proclaimed Eve to be flesh of his flesh. Paul quotes it next, in verse 31. I'll read it with verse 30,
"'30 because we are members of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.'"
Notice that Paul says, "for this reason." Paul is quoting his point about the mystery of Christ, who is the last Adam. Paul is saying this in respect to the Last Adam's relationship to us--His church, but he is using language that goes back to the first marriage of Adam and Eve. This is so key, because Paul is quoting Genesis 2:24, but bringing it into his own point by direct revelation from God. So, what Paul says is the reason that Moses gave for human marriage at the marriage of Adam and Eve, is what Paul explains that God intended marriage to be representative of all along. This is so beautiful, and it is so revolutionary to the Jews, and to the Gentiles of that age. It is revolutionary for anyone. It better be revolutionary for us husbands, because this fact is a foundational truth in keeping us from veering off into the dangerous contempt for our wives that reflects a subtle contempt for our Lord. What we are looking at here is insider revelation that we Christians are privileged to get in being washed by the word. This great mystery, that Christ's relationship to the church is one of the primary reasons why marriage was instituted, is really a very great revelation, and though it is hard to accept to the fleshly mind, it is the sovereign plan that was instituted back in the garden, thousands of years before Christ, and before the descent of humans into sin. This leads us to consider, then, what the implications are for us in the church. God designed marriage from the beginning to have its reflection in our Chistian marriages, where the wife is the representative type of the church. It is by design, and the husband is a type of Christ, as head, by design, and so this dictates to us how God expects husbands and wives to treat each other in this design. To do otherwise, is to manifest the dangerous contempt for spouses that reflects a subtle contempt for the Lord, which is what the world does with marriage every day. In the case of this sermon this morning, we are talking more specifically about us husbands. So, we need to take notice, and we need to look at what Paul teaches us next in 32-33,
"32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband."
In other words, this has been the whole foundation for us husbands treating our wives as Christ treats His betrothed, in His love, grace, and self disposal. Our pattern is Christ, and His relationship to us. The pattern is right here. Christ loves the church, who is the body of Christ, where He is joined to us in one spirit according to 1 Corinthians 6:17. And so we husbands love our wives as our own flesh. It is as if our marriages are living, walking, scriptural illustrations that demonstrate what God has done, and further, demonstrates where we are in our spiritual growth. The responsibility that we are supposed to be demonstrating to the lost world culture, and to our spouses, and to God, is that Christian husbands are the ones who love wives like Christ does, and Christian wives are the ones who respect husbands like the church respects Christ. Peter even repeats this same pattern in 1 Peter, Peter says,
"1 ... wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. ... 7 You husbands ... live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered." 1 Peter 3:1-7
Wives submit in respect. Husbands live with their wives in a wise and understanding way concerning her--just like Christ does with us--as if she is someone who is weaker who needs to be cherished, loved, and nourished. But who else is this? This is all of us. We are the church. We are weaker than Christ. We all need to be cherished, loved and nourished. And so here is what happens when we fail to abide in it:
First and foremost, we husbands are truly accountable to God for our actions. There are consequences for not loving our wives like Christ loves us. It goes hand in hand with God's sovereignty, and your responsibility. We know that God is the master of our fate and the captain of our soul, and when it comes to your marriage, Christ is the ultimate master of your fate. Christ is the captain of your soul. In this relationship, where Christ is the captain, we husbands are exhorted to submit to Him as the master and captain, where He has made us to be stewards, and ministers in our marriage. You are answerable to Him, and you will reap what you are sowing. Paul gives us the true order of leadership,
"3 But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ." 1 Corinthians 11:3
God is sovereign; Christ is our head. It may seem like you are getting by with it, but, when we don't submit to Christ in our role as husbands, we are answerable to Him for our actions in dishonoring Him, dishonoring our marriages, and dishonoring our wives. To go on and on living our lives according to our own made up rules of what is right and wrong, or doing unloving things that we think we can get by with because we are under grace, and so we aren't going make it our ambition to love our wives in an understanding way as Christ loves His church, is contempt, which has as its consequence, answering to our Head for our actions.
Which leads to the second consequence that Peter warns of not loving our wives in an understandable way, as Christ loves the church, and that is that our prayers are hindered. Men, do you see how serious this is? You really need to get the fact that being saved by grace in eternal spiritual salvation, does not let you off the hook to the consequences. Peter says,
"7 You husbands ... live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered." 1 Peter 3:7
Think about this. It is a rule. It is a principle, but it is given in a sobering warning. Peter continues the warning all the way to 3:12, where he says that God attends His ear to the prayers of the righteous, but that His face is against those who do evil. The question is:
Are you having trouble in your prayer life?
Well, Christ is your head.
Do you sense that your prayers are being hindered?
Well, here is the priority structure, First there is God; and then there is your wife and family. You may be attempting to pray about all kinds of things, but if you are neglecting your duty to God, and your duty to your wife, then Peter says that your prayers are hindered. What happens is that this goes hand in hand with the consequence that occurs with all of God's children that He loves. In other words, one way that you know that God loves you is that he disciplines you. God says in Hebrews 12, (that anyone, whether Christian husbands, Christian wives, or Christian singles), God has a certain grace upon you to mold you, and so if you are sinning against God be sinning against your wife, then you have invited your Father's chastising hand into your life to mold you. Your prayers are hindered, and it is you who have hindered them. God will bring you low, so that you will be molded. Christian husbands, God has given us the love of Christ in our hearts. God has told us how to love our wives. If you have failed to be the husband that God designed marriages to have, and you find that you are manifesting the dangerous contempt for your wife that reflects a subtle kind of contempt for the Lord, by refusing to heed God's command in how to treat your wife, then God is either disciplining you now, or will discipline you if you reject this mandate this morning that is coming directly from His word. Yes, He is doing it for your good. Yes, He is doing it so that you will share in His holiness. It may not seem joyful, but sorrowful, but when you have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness in you that extends to your marriage. Another consequence of Husbands not seeking to love their wife, by living with their wife in a wise and understanding way concerning her--just like Christ does with you--as if she is someone who is weaker who needs to be cherished, loved, and nourished, is that instead of manifesting the illustration of a healthy church body that functions in the bond of unity in the spirit of peace, in building up one another, you manifest a divided church body. In other words your marriage is supposed to represent a picture of Christ and His church to yourself, to your wife, to your kids, (if you have any), and to the world. But the consequence is that everyone sees a disfunctional church type when they look at your so-called Christian marriage. What happens is that everyone sees a carnal church, or what some would call a liberal church, or what is often called a dead church.
Does any of this describe your marriage?
It doesn't matter if you think that all the problems in your marriage are because of your wife; if you do not love her as Christ loved you, and gave Himself up for you, and cherish her, and nourish her, and nurture her in an understanding way, as if she really is a weaker vessel, then you are not reflecting the worship that God desires from your marriage. God wants the glory and the worship to come to Him in your obedience to act as the representative of Christ in your marriage.
This leads us to consider another consequence to not loving your wife like Christ loves the church, and that is that you perpetuate marital strife by causing your wife to wonder if you really love her. When your wife does not feel like you love her, then she feels unloved. It's only logical. Logic tells you that when your wife does not feel like you love her then she feels unloved. It doesn't matter what you claim. What matters is what she feels. She feels insecure. Rather than her Lord, protector, provider, and lover, you have made it look like you are her enemy. When someone is around their enemy all the time, they either surrender in a shell of misery, or in the same shell of misery, they fight back, or they end up running away. They run away because they have been pushed away. When you have not loved your wife up to the point that she starts to fight back, or runs away, then you are the one who is guilty of creating the strife in your marriage. Husbands, I want to ask you a very personal and probing question as we wrap up this morning.
How do you think you would feel if Christ treated you like you treat your wife?
Think about it. Think about how you treated your wife yesterday--last night--this morning before arriving here in biblical fellowship.
How do you think you would feel if Christ treated you like you treat your wife, day in and day out?
I'm talking about when you, husbands, make mistakes as a weaker vessel compared to your Lord. I'm talking about when you, husbands, have an idea, and you come to Christ in prayer, and He would happen to treat you like your opinion hardly matters. I'm talking about you--husbands--who are wanting Christ to tell you He loves you and forgives you, and you want some assurance that He forgives you, and you believe He does, and yet for some bizarre and twisted turn of reality, He would start acting like you are a bother to Him. You would not like it. Don't pretend that you would be okay with that, because you wouldn't. But more importantly, Christ would never be okay with treating you that way, and so He will never do it. He loves you in a certain way, and He expects you to love your wife that way too. Paul says in Colossians,
"19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them." Colossians 3:19
All of us want Christ to love us and to not be embittered against us, and in fact, we know that is exactly what He does. He loves us, and in His grace, He is not embittered against us. And so, in like manner, we are commanded to be like our Lord is toward us.
This leads to a final consequence, and that is the example we are setting for our children. You see, we are teaching them how to be married. Husbands, we are the spiritual leaders in our homes, under Christ who is the ultimate leader. If we don't manifest the love of Christ to our wife, then we are teaching our children that some other standard of love is all they need to get by with. We are teaching them the art of being a hypocrite. If that is what you are doing then you are preaching another message that is not God's message of what marriage is designed to be. You are grieving the Holy Spirit, and your constant demonstration of your subtle contempt for your wife is being shown to your children in a certain manner, and to a certain degree, that you have a subtle contempt for the Lord, and His word. Maybe your children are showing a subtle contempt for their mom. You need to think that they may have learned it from you.
Men, husbands, I urge you this morning, let us be painfully honest with ourselves through conviction of the Holy Spirit. Let us admit those areas where we are failing to recognize what our marriage really is. I urge you to take up the proper role as the spiritual leader of your home. Love you wife as Christ loves you. Do this because you really do love her. Make every effort not to be embittered toward her. Nurture her spiritually and physically. Get her up on Sunday mornings and make her go to church, rather than her being the one getting up on Sunday mornings and making you go to church. You are the spiritual authority, so start acting like it. Live with her in an understanding way, as if she is a weaker vessel. Do all of this for her, but more importantly, do this for Christ, because that is what He wants from you. In so doing, you will not only avoid the dangerous contempt for wives that reflects a subtle kind of contempt for the Lord, but you will also be glorifying God in your marriage, which is a church type that God has placed as a light among the dark wicked lostness of this evil generation--amen.
